HELL

The test was absolute HELL! I studied soooo hard and I mean sooo hard. Ive never studied harder for anything in my life. I had no idea what was going to be on the test. The only thing we were told was that a certain % of the test would be from one subject another % from another subject etc. So I studied everything I could. I spent all day Friday with my study group, slept good Friday night. Woke up a little nerveous on Sat, went out to breakfast with Zac and then drove to the test. I felt pretty good about taking the test being I spent so much time studying for it. I opened the test book read through the first 2 pages of questions and about had a heart attack! There was hardly anything on the test that I studied for.
I would say about 10% of the test is actually what I studied. I had 2 hours to take the test and I still had 12 questions left when I got the 5 minute warning. I was the second to last person to be done...and Im usually a pretty fast test taker. I could have died. About 30 min before the test was over my hands started shaking and I was sweating like a pig. There were sooo many questions wher I absolutely had no idea what the answer was. I honestly feel if I had not studied for the test I would have known the same amount of stuff. I was soooo frustrated when I left that test.

Im not just saying this but I DOUBT..actually I know I didnt pass. If I passed it is a true miracle from Heavenly Father because I did not know what I was doing. The good thing is I found out if I dont pass I can take an oral test in front a board who will decide whether or not I graduate. Crappy thing is that if I didnt pass I will have to spend a TON of more time studying for the oral test...I am so done with school. I was debating going back in the fall to take classes to become a nurse and after this test..no thanks. After the test I went out to lunch with my study group which was nice. I came home and Zac had a bouquet of flowers and a gift certificate for pedicure waiting at home for me an I broke down and cried. I couldn't sleep last night. I kept dreaming about the questions that I couldnt figure out the questions to. I woke up so many times in the middle of the night freaking out about the test. Zac said I was wimpering in my sleep (most likely dreaming about the freakin' test). So I cried off and on during the morning and I just feel sick. I feel worse today than yesterday and I dont know how I am going to wait for the results. I truly do not feel that I passed and I just want to get this over with. I still have 2 papers to write...a 6 page and 12 page paper and then a take home test and now most likely the oral test. I think I am going to have a nerveous breakdown. I keep telling everyone that I will be back to my old self in April but I think I wont be myself until I actually graduate...which hopefully I do.